We all judge others to some degree. We judge people based on how they look, the car they drive, what they do for a living and so much more. Judgement, however, comes with a heavy price. The more you judge others (or yourself) as good, bad, better or worse, generally, the unhappier you are. Someone will always have less or more than you in different areas of life. Many of our judgements are not even right. We may think someone is happy, but really they’re not happy at all. We may not like or approve of someone, but if we really knew their story, we would probably have far more compassion for the choices they make. Who are we to judge anyway? What gives us that right? For most people, judgement is a fear-based, survival tool. By judging others and our self we think we’ll learn what we need to know about how to be liked, loved and accepted (our true desires). Each time you judge someone, however (and that includes yourself), you close your heart down rather than opening it up. You isolate, alienate, put distance between, disconnect and build walls. Instead of judging, my advice is fourfold. First, do your best to witness or observe people, rather than judging them as bad or good. See everyone you meet as your teacher. There’s always a lesson to learn. Second, be compassionate about what you perceive as shortcomings in yourself or others – humans were never designed to be perfect. We all struggle and we all have a story. Third, look for the good in everyone. There is always some good there. Lastly and most important, remember that love – real love – means accepting others just as they are. Can you do that for others? Can you do that for you? The rewards include a heart that stays open and connections that run deep.
When you judge others (or yourself) you close your heart and create distance. Instead, observe and learn from everyone, practice compassion, look for the good in all, and most important, do your best to accept each person just as they are. This is how you fill your heart with love.
P.S. My new book will be available in stores and online by the end of the month. Details to follow.